What's in YOUR Garden?

A friend and her husband stopped by tonight to pick up some Lily Leaf Beetles and larvae (she's an entomologist) and to take a peek at my yard to see if the husband would be willing to help me with the mowing.  (My sister, sweet thing, had already offered a play-date/mowing solution, but I greatly appreciated his willingness!) 

I found myself dragging them all over my unshorn tick-haven, pointing out all the exotic plants my ex has planted in the past 7 years and talking about plans I have for this area or that.  I casually threw out tree names like Heptacodium and Acer griseum . . . and actually knew what I was talking about.  (Mind you, there were also many to which I replied, "That's some kind of vibernum; we have dozens of different kinds.") 

Suddenly I stopped short and gasped, "I think I'm assuming my ex's persona!  I don't know if this is a good thing or not!"  For this was always Nick's thing: the proud groundskeeper offering an exclusive glimpse of the "Carolina Arboretum."

So I'm looking back over the last hour and asking myself if there was some mild disfunction showing itself as I led the 2-cent tour.  Was my behavior a desperate attempt to retain whatever connection I still have with the ex?  Was it a subtle form of "Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.  My yard now."  Was I turning into my ex?????

No.  No to all.  (Okay, so maybe there was a teensy weensy bit of the second, but definitely not the others!) 

What it was, I think, was an example of one of the many ways my life has been marked by my ex.  Right now I mostly feel he has bludgeoned me in many ways.  I feel scarred.  I feel violated.  I feel betrayed.  Like a character in a Jane Austen novel, I used to consider marriage the highest and best calling a woman could have.  I'm currently resonating more with the Amazon Women. 

To be just, though, I am also walking away from this relationship with some good things.  Ranita and Chinchita are the best, obviously.  They are refulgent, as I used to be, and clever and sensitive and caring.  I see in them both the potential to be and do anything God sets before them, and to bless the world by their presence. 

And tonight I realized I'm a better plant appreciator because of him.  I'm not a horticulturalist.  I'm not a "plantsman."  But I know more about woody ornamentals (that's trees and shrubs, fellow laypeople!) and moving plants than I did a decade ago. 

I know there are dozens of types of Japanese maples (almost 2 dozen in my yard alone!) and even more types of vibernums (another 2 dozen in my yard!), not to mention the varieties of Rhododendrons!  (Ask me the differences between Francesca, Scintillation, and Calsap . . . I can tell you!) 

I can spot a Nootkatensis in a yard while driving 25 miles an hour.  I know that bananas can overwinter outside in Carolina, RI . . . just don't expect to ever pick fruit from them.  I also know that yuccas are incredibly beautiful in flower and virtually impossible to kill, even with help from hungry mice in a bitter winter and aggressive digging by a very determined nurseryman in the spring. 

Should my children end up showing a proclivity for all things green and growing, at least their mother won't be totally ignorant . . . there's something to be said for that.