Work, Mom, Work!

My mom was a stay-at-home mom.  She worked on the farm, drove us to softball and little league, volunteered on the PTO, and led my Girl Scout Troop.  (You should have seen our house come cookie time!  Our dining room looked the construction site for a cardboard city!  My favorites?  Caramel deLites!)

My mother's example has been my parenting touchstone for four decades.  It is only now, two kids and one looming divorce in, that I have begun rethinking that model.

When I was pregnant with my son, I remember the women I work with saying, "I worked part-time when my kids were small, and it was the best thing I could have done."

I also remember thinking, "Not me.  Moms should stay home with their kids."  There was deep in my being this unspoken conviction that godly moms stayed home with their kids.  All the time.  Forever. 

Have I ever changed my tune on that one!

Let me first say that I still think the ideal is for Mom (or Dad) to be the primary caretaker.  It isn't always possible, and children certainly thrive in other settings, but children need to connect deeply with their parents, and that happens most organically when their parents are there providing food, sleep, love, kisses, discipline, and play day after day.

What I no longer believe is that it is necessary, or perhaps even best, for one parent to stay at home ALL the time.  Without a break.  Ad infinitum. 

Lest the homeschooling parents out there pillory me, I freely admit that this shift in thinking could reflect more of a deficit in my character than anything else.  I was planning on homeschooling my children, and this year my four-year-old has found every way of convincing me that he has no intention of being homeschooled.  The child is smart and social and desperately trying to figure out the difference between independence and anarchy . . . and I'm coming to the conclusion that I must find ways for him to be independent (2-day a week pre-school?) or fall beneath a coup d'état! 

Hence my new theory that some sort of part-time job for mom is not a bad thing. 

There are reasons for my new embracement of part-time work for full-time moms (and dads!).  They are:

1. Breathing space.  Everybody really does need a little time away.  It makes the time together that much more special . . . and appreciated (by everyone). 
2. Development of "self."  This is true for Mommy and Munchkin.  It is critical that moms nurture themselves, cultivating the interests they've always had and discovering new ones they didn't know they had.  Kids need help finding out who they are apart from Mom, too, and it's really hard to do that if Mom is always there.  (Even if Mom is conscious of giving them room to grow and develop in unique ways . . . or maybe again this is my weakness speaking!) 
3. Financial security.  Boy, is this one hard for me to write about!  I never wanted financial concerns to be a deciding factor in how I raised my kids, but the cold, hard truth is that they are.  When I quit working, I figured I was okay financially.  Even if something did happen to my husband, he had a good life insurance policy.  Yeah.  That doesn't cover divorce.  Suddenly I find myself scrambling to make a career out of a couple writing gigs, unable to get a mortgage because I have no income to speak of for the past two years, and asking, "How in the world did I get myself into this mess?!?"  

Having said all this, I would like to note that not having financial security has actually been one of the greatest blessings in my life.  It is in my "poverty" that God is showering me with His riches.  As a writer, I can work for anyone in the world and still stay (mostly) at home with my kids.  He has blessed me with friends who are also willing to be work partners and to give me opportunities I would have been hard-pressed to get on my own this quickly.  I have a loving family (including in-laws!) who cannot help financially but are incalculably precious when it comes to babysitting (for when I have to work away from home) and supporting me emotionally.

As each undeserved, unexpected blessing drops in my lap, I am more breathless with love and awe of my God and His love for us.  And more excited to see what new and amazing thing He has in store for me.  In the meantime, God is indeed supplying all my needs . . . and then some! 
 
There is a part of me that is loathe to deprive someone else of the same miraculous provision I am experiencing.  There is another part of me that figures life has plenty of curve balls to throw; maybe we should go after the middle-of-the-plate fast balls when we see them.

I guess what I'm saying is that being a mom in any situation might be a little easier when there's an outside, adult activity scheduled into every week.  Even homeschooling moms can do it, if they have someone who can assist just one or two days a week.

Substitute teaching, temping, freelancing, consulting, negotiating part-time hours for a formerly full-time job, even volunteering are ways to keep your fingers in a career with ramp-up potential than when you have dropped completely off the radar.  You never really know when that part-time job or hobby may have to pay your mortgage or buy your groceries. 

I know some of you home school.  Some of you work full-time.  Some of you work part-time.  Each situation has benefits and drawbacks.  I'd love to hear what's worked for you (pardon the pun!).  I have a feeling the other moms and dads out there are interested, too.